Owning a car used to be a rite of passage — a key to freedom, a badge of independence, and the best way to escape your parents’ watchful eyes. All you needed was tax, insurance, and enough petrol money to get lost for the afternoon. The only warning light you worried about was the fuel gauge — and even then, it was more of a polite suggestion than an emergency.

These days, it’s all a bit different. Modern driving feels less like freedom and more like babysitting a nervous robot. Half the time you’re trying to figure out what that mysterious bong meant, or praying there’s a charger at your destination so you’re not stranded somewhere rural, explaining to your mates that no, you didn’t plan to stop there for the view.

Cars used to be simple — maybe a bit rough around the edges, but they had character. Now, they’re so obsessed with keeping you safe, efficient, and environmentally virtuous that the joy’s been drained out of them. Crack a window, and the car moans about “aerodynamic inefficiency.” Go one kilometre over the limit, and it’ll beep, flash, and shame you like you’ve committed a war crime.

And don’t get me started on touchscreens. Once upon a time, you could find a nice chunky button for the heated seats or rear demister. Now, you need to scroll through three menus and a settings screen that looks like it was designed by someone who’s never driven in the rain. Carmakers say it’s cheaper for them — just update the software instead of building real buttons. But have prices dropped? Not a bit.

Despite all these “cost-saving innovations,” the price of a basic hatchback has shot past €40,000. Meanwhile, Chinese brands are rolling in with cheaper models that have the Europeans in a cold sweat, yet somehow, they’re still taking out electric seats, powered tailgates, and any button that dares to exist.

At the height of the Celtic Tiger, €25k would’ve bought you a brand-new car and a week in Spain to drive it somewhere sunny. Now you’ll pay nearly double to be told off by a dashboard every few minutes.

So yes, modern cars might be faster, cleaner, and smarter — but they’ve lost something important along the way. The freedom, the fun, the little bit of madness that came with the open road. These days, it’s not about the journey anymore — it’s about making sure you’ve downloaded the latest software update before you start it.

The cost of owning a modern car just keeps climbing. Tolls are going up nationwide, petrol and diesel prices are rising, and we’re paying the highest electricity rates in Europe. So, unless you’ve got solar panels, you can wipe that smug grin off your face—though those panels won’t do much for you during long, dark winter evenings anyway.

I miss the peaceful hum of a motorway cruise, or the thrill of a proper spin down a winding country road—without some overzealous lane-keeping robot trying to wrestle the steering wheel from my hands. I don’t need a bigger screen or a brighter display; I want a car that can go 1,500 km on a single tank of petrol. I don’t want to sign away my data or share my music tastes with anyone. All I’m asking for is four heated seats in winter and an air conditioner that blows harder than a hamster’s cough in summer.

I’m a simple man with simple tastes: just make good cars again—and stop punishing us for enjoying them.